It’s weird to think that today is the last day that I will be 25. Life is constantly moving and changing and growing, nothing ever is the same. Ha, you know what’s funny, the only constant in life…is change. I think back to my life a year ago, and in that one year, things have changed so much. I am growing, learning, changing. I had many ups and downs, but the biggest thing is I have learned so much more about me and my strengths, as well as my weaknesses (which I believe will make me stronger).
I think I need this time to reflect on my life and what I have done. More specifically on the last year. I don’t think we take enough time to think about what we, individually, have accomplished or even failed at. I know I have this uncanny ability to find a negative in everything I do, which is surprising ironic, considering that this blog is all about finding the good moments in each of my day. So, I need to break down this piece so that I can stay organized and really discuss how the last year was for me.
Here are my sections: Challenges & Accomplishments, What I have Learned About Me, and What Do I Want to Achieve in the Next Year
Challenges and Accomplishments: I can’t separate these two because many of my failures are connected to accomplishments and successes, and vice versa.
Curriculum for Our Program
This has been a huge project on my plate for the last year, and I have so many feelings about this project. It has brought out the best and worst in me. When I started (let’s just go with the day I turned 25) I took on the challenge of writing the curriculum for our program and it wasn’t easy. I think the big challenge that I faced was learning to be patient, being clear on my vision, and really breaking down my plan and setting small benchmarks/deadlines. I faced a lot of emotional hurdles as well, lots of tears and lots of gray hairs. I have never doubted myself more than with this project, but I also learned so much about myself, that if I focused on something and created a game plan I can achieve anything. I cannot articulate my emotions about this project, just that it was a challenge for me, and a challenge that I believe I overcame. I think I make this out to be more dramatic then necessary, but it was very eye opening experience for myself.
Ah, this was another uphill battle for myself. I don’t think I gave this my all to be honest. I think that I accomplished a lot on this challenge, I really did dedicate myself and was not as swayed by temptations as I once was in college. I kept focus, though I know I can change my way so studying to be more effective. I was proud of myself for being able to stay home on a friday or saturday night to study. I am taking the GREs next year and I feel like I know where I struggle and where I can improve.
Applying to ASPIRE
I’m starting to feel like I have focusing on a lot of challenges, but each challenge taught me so much. Studying for the GREs AND working on an intense application is not the smartest decision. I basically worked on this application for two weeks and I was not happy with my end results. I know I can do much better and I know my writing style was sub par, but I learned not to put my eggs in one basket.
Finishing My Self-Portrait Painting
I am so proud of myself for finishing my “Self-Portrait” painting. It is also hanging in my room. I think it has taken me about a year to start and finish. Each layer was thought out and carefully executed. The vision of this painting came to me in my dreams, I kid you not. I remember dreaming about purple, gold, flowers, and a poem and I realized that it all had to come together. The finishing of this painting has inspired me to start more, which I have and I am so excited about. I am still critical and careful in my execution but more inspired with the confidence in my vision
So this is not a complete accomplishment but a start to a goal. I have to give credit to my relationship. I have been open and honest in my thoughts and feelings and has made me more aware of who I am as a person. I am still learning to be me and I learning about who I am as a person. Each day, month, year, and moment I learn something new. Being in a relationship where I can be completely myself, crazy emotional, happy and goofy, klutzy, lazy, excited, whatever I am, is amazing because it allows me to see that I am a person that can be loved, and honestly be loved by me. Each time I open my heart, I open it up to myself.
Project 2011 – Get Fit!
I am so proud of myself for really being dedicated in the last month and half or so for really taking the steps to take care of me. I don’t think of myself as fat, but I do think of myself as out of shape. The fact that I get winded by my stairs is a problem. So I have really been good about doing what I can to make sure I can take care of me. I am slowly starting to make healthy decisions, this is a slow process and the hardest habit for me to break. I love my fried food.
Making Big Decisions for Myself
Last week I made two very big decisions, I signed up for the GREs and I signed up for a half marathon, each were a gift to myself for my Birthday. It was a necessary purchase, and one that I am proud of, because both decisions were scary for me. I knew if I did not sign up for the GREs that I would get too scared and not really apply to grad schools.
I think that’s all I can think of for right now, I am sure I will think of more, but for now, this is good. On to the next part!
What I Have Learned About Me
Oh, where do I start? This year has been a growing year for me, I feel like I am becoming more of a professional in my career field and as an adult. I am still learning to be honest and I am no where near perfect. I have learned a big lesson, that aiming for perfect is good but not doubt myself if I am not perfect. This has been the biggest battle I have faced this year, my self doubt and the strive for perfection. (sidenote: I want to finish this post before 12am!) I can’t understand where or why this self-doubt manifested, and I know that some self-doubt is okay because it allows you to constantly improve and grow, but I know my self-doubt hinders me and holds me back from being 100%.
I know that I can take things personal, because everything I do, I do with my full heart and that’s okay because it is who I am. I am an emotional person who has a hard time communicating her feelings, but that’s okay because it is who I am. I know that I push people away when I am afraid of losing them, but that’s okay because it is who I am. I know that when I am feeling down, I can call my best friends and be okay, I know that I can go home for the weekend and see my parents. I am learning to be a friend to my parents but also be a daughter. I have learned that I know family is important to me and that I would do anything to be there for them. (sidenote: and now I’m crying) I knwo that I am not a bad person, but that I am a beautiful person, inside and out, and no one, not even me, can knock me down. I know that my biggest and strongest support…is me. No one can love me as much I love me, because if I want someone to love me, I HAVE to love me, completely and unconditionally. I am a strong, beautiful, emotional, passionate woman. I am no longer that little girl, but a strong woman. I know that I can make mistakes because I am human and I am always learning.
I am so proud of me and who I am as a person, there is no other way for me to say it. Thank you God for making me who I am, with all my flaws, imperfections, and beauty. Thank you.
Goals for Next Year
1. Have faith in myself – Whatever decisions I make, whatever thoughts I have, know that I am a smart, intellectual person, and am reasonable
2. Take the GREs – I want to give this my 110%, and really make every effort I can to do well
3. Run a half marathon – When I run, I sometimes freak myself out, but I want to do something that is out of my comfort zone, and running definitely is
4. Travel internationally – I want to go somewhere, that is NOT India, and see a different part of the world.
5. Get married – PSYCH! haha had to do that one for my mom 😉
6. Apply to Grad School….and get in!
7. Have 5 finished paintings that I can display and sell!
8. Be happy with who I am
9. Communicate my thoughts and emotions in a mature manner
10. Keep blogging
Ah, this has taken me all day to write, and I want to continue to write. I do want to say this, I think it’s time that I challenge myself again in this blog, so I will continue to write good moments, but I think one moment has to tie back to me and who I am as a person. This way, I can remind myself of all the things that I do love about me.
Thanks for reading this long post. I love you all very much and am thankful to have so many of you in my life. Gratitude is amazing and that is all I feel when I see everyone around me. So, Thank you.
Love and Peace. 🙂