This Very Moment

This very moment I feel good, I feel that if I put my heart, my mind, and my love I can achieve anything. Today I ran 4 miles and it felt like one of the best runs I have ever had. I felt like I could push myself as far as I could. I ran and I didn’t want to stop, I felt my legs burn but I knew I couldn’t stop and for the first time ever, I got over the big hill (my big hill) and didn’t have to stop and walk it! I would have run all four miles if I did not have the cramps at around Lyon Street, and then had to walk a few blocks to walk off the cramps. Ah, I wanted to give up and I wanted  walk but I knew I couldn’t give up. I had to keep going. Oh it felt so empowering.

I felt the same way during rock climbing, the feeling of empowerment is amazing, but I know the one thing that I must apply myself to that I have not…the GREs. So I need to get my act together and get started on that personal and mental big hill. I know I can overcome it.

So, I’m gonna keep at it and keep going and push 🙂 On to my good moments:

1. Getting my lens in the mail – Oh man, I have been wanting this lens for a really long time and I finally bought it on Thursday and got it today. I was super excited! I took a few pictures and ahh I love it!

2. My run – God, it felt great, honestly the best part of my run was getting over that hill, I think the fact that I did motivated me for the whole run, like I just knew I could do it.

3. Talking to Achyutha – I havent spoken to him in awhile and it was nice to chat, I mean it’s not the same as seeing him or talking on the phone, but still nice. And I got to tell him about my day, which I really miss. Telling him my good moments or challenges.

Anyway, I’m off to bed. Gnite 🙂

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Total Body Workout

Gosh, I feel extremely tired today. I had a full body workout, I worked out almost 5 hours today. I feel…drained but good. It’s funny, I never saw my self as the “workout type”. I see people who go to the gym, who run, who workout and I never saw myself as that person, and now I feel as if I am that person. Or perhaps, becoming that person. My working out included a 2 hour session of rock climbing, 1 hour of football, and an hour and a half of dance practice.

Anyway, I apologize for not updating in a while, but I had some big things happen this week. Wednesday I went to the gym with my boss and did a weight training and ran 2.5 miles, which made me feel amazing, as if I could do anything. And then on Thursday, I took the plunge and bought the lends I have wanted for almost a year. Friday I ran 3.5 miles and ran about 2 miles of it without stopping which made me feel amazing AND I only walked once up the hill on Euclid! Saturday we had our CIT Graduation which was fabulous and was just really nice!

So I would like to get on with my good moments for today:

1. Rock Climbing with Vivek – it’s pretty cool that I did it, because I honestly looked at the wall and thought, there is not way I can climb this, and then I climbed it and my body could hold me up and I could climb up, it was amazing. I want to go back, I used my mind and my body.

2. Scoring a touchdown – I scored my first touchdown today! Anand was quaterback and we ran this play and then I remember Jerome crossing me and I looked at Anand and the ball came right to me, I had no idea what happened and realized I scored a touchdown! Kind of amazing!

3. Hot chocolate & a delicious salad – I made myself a red cabbage, bell pepper, avocado, flax seed, lemon, salt & pepper salad and a cup of hot chocolate! It was delicious and I enjoyed it!

Okay, I must sleep! Gnite world! PS – if you do read this, I would love to hear your good moments!

Quick Update

I’m gonna have to keep this post short, I am feeling super sleepy. So, I’m gonna just get on with the good moments:

1. Waking up at 6am – I know this may not seem like a good moment, but I have this habit of automatically waking up at 6am and for the last 2-3 weeks I could barely wake up at 930am. It’s pretty refreshing to wake up and feel happy and feel well rested.

2. A great lunch – today we tried out a sandwich place in the Richmond and it was delicious!

3. Happy Hour with the coworkers – great conversation, good food, good drinks…it was all very nice to have a relaxing moment 🙂

Okay, I must sleep.

Rhythm

Today I ran about 3.2 miles and finally felt a good rhythm in my run, my breathe felt even, my pace felt good. It was amazing, I felt a slight runners high, as if I could run for miles and miles. I had good music, I was just so happy that I had an even breathe, it felt amazing. Sometimes when I start my run, I get a little anxious to just finish the run, which reflects how I feel about moments in my life, “get it over with it”. When I finished my first mile, which is usually my hardest, running up a big hill that seems never ending, I entered my second mile I accepted the run and let my self just go, and in all honesty, I ran and had no idea where the time went.

I never thought that I would ever be a runner, I had a brief “runners stint” after I graduated from college and ran between 2-3 miles every morning. Now, I can barely run once a week, and I’m training for a half marathon. I plan to get back to being a runner, it’s actually quite nice. It’s funny, when you push yourself, push yourself to do something new, something hard, something different, you want to fight back, because its uncomfortable, its abnormal, its something you aren’t used to, but when you push back and find that rhythm, it begins to feel normal, it begins to feel like something you can do. I know that I have to give my all in everything I do, it’s how I am built. I know that when things get tough, I wanna lay in my bed and not face the world, but I know that all i can do it, push the covers back and hit the pavement. Knowing that I have me and I have my strength.

I know that with every new challenge I face to conquer, I will have many obstacles to overcome, but I know that I can do it. I know I will want to crawl and hide, to give up (every time I run, I think about cutting it short and stopping), to ignore it, but I can’t do that. I want to be a better person, I want to someone that pushes through. In yoga, Hannah always says “When you struggle and things get hard, where do you go? Your body wants to stop, but you keep pushing.” And it’s funny, because when I’m in yoga and she says that, all I can think is, when it feels difficult, you can’t give up, no matter how hard it feels. You HAVE to push through, because once you push through, you find the rhythm in life and it’s not as uncomfortable or hard.

Anyway, on to my good moments from today:

1. Finishing PET Curriculum – god, I powered through that and it felt so good! I stayed focused and got what I needed done

2. A great run – I mean the first mile was horrible, running up Euclid is horrible, but I want to get to the point where I can run up it without having to walk, the second mile was rhythmic, and the third mile I felt the burn in my legs

3. Dinner with the girls – Ayesha had a dinner party and made some delicious mexican food and it was fabulous!

Okay, but now I must sleep, I have been sleeping horrible (not able to sleep until 2am)

Thoughts (floating around in my head)

I have been really lazy about updating my blog and I know that’s really bad. The funny thing is, I have had a lot of stuff that has happened that would be great for me to write about. I have had a lot of thoughts going through my brain about me and the kind of person I want to be. I feel like this year is about growing and changing and being a better person, not that this is my only chance or that I have not done it in the past, but something that I want to really work on.

This requires a lot of self-reflection, which is good but bad because I over analyze all the bad things that I have done in my life and that can be really bad because I get so down on myself that I become very sad. I don’t find this to be healthy, a part of me thinks I need to just let it go and move on, holding on and being internally embarrassed, where it can be debilitating.

So, I think that’s what’s been holding me back from blogging, because I’ve had this big weight on my shoulder about how I have been feeling. I wish I wasn’t so harsh, I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely horrible, but I have this really bad habit of holding things against me and that makes me unable to see what accomplishments I have done and achieved.

Anyway, I’ll talk about my good moments from yesterday:

1. Brunch/Lunch with Gau Bhai – it has been awhile since he and I have caught up and talked, however we do not recommend the Chili’s in Gilroy, super slow service and bad food!

2. Seeing my bank statement – I am not broke, it’s nice to know that 🙂 And I CAN SAVE! I know I can, I have faith in myself

3. Dance practice with the crew – just a good time to dance and have some fun with everyone 🙂

Anyway, I gotta go back to work, actually go home and go for a run 🙂 take care folks!

Wanting to Write

I can’t decide on my thoughts today, there are a lot of them and I feel overwhelmed as well as underwhelmed. I have many thoughts but I’m too lazy to analyze them.

I wish I was eloquent in my speech and thoughts, I wish I could organize them and be an amazing writer, but I am just ordinary, sometimes below average. (I promise I’m not looking for compliments here) Honestly, I wish I was a writer, the funny thing is, I used to be so good at journaling and being articulate in my thoughts, now I surprise myself when I make sense.

With the upcoming and looming GREs, I have to improve my vocabulary and honestly my writing skills. Hopefully this blog will be a good outlet for that. Anyway, on to my good moments:

1. Enjoying the beautiful weather in SF with a meeting on our balcony

2. Getting groceries and spending some time with Ayesha, we made pav bhaji (inspired by Karishma’s upcoming girls night, I began to crave it)

3. Realizing the kind of person I want to be and realizing when I make mistakes or am not the person I want to be.

Anyway, I’m gonna read a little and head to bed. Gnite, folks!

Being a Loser Sucks

So I’ve been playing volleyball for I believe a year and half or so and I have improved my skills 10 fold. It’s amazing because I can proudly say that I am a much better player. However, what sucks is losing. It’s not just losing but feeling like you could have done better. I am proud that I have improved but I feel like I can do a much better job if I tried harder and I get into this mental game, where it becomes mind over matter in the negative way.

This goes back to that whole self-doubt issue I have and I will overcome it this year, damn it. I could go on about this, but I’m actually exhausted.

So my good moments:

1. I made it to work – I kept going back and forth in my mind about going to work and I made it out!

2. Feeling just in my thoughts – I have a right to feel the way I do and it’s okay to feel that

3. Having a realization about my relationships – now I just need to learn to deal with it 🙂