Lack of sleep

What a day, I have so many emotions running through me and I wish that I could sort them, box them up and send them away. I am having one of those days where the cottage cheese thighs and the roll over my jeans and the looming feeling of not being good enough consume me. I know it’s not right and I am so very thankful for all that I have, but sometimes I can’t help it.

This blog is a way for me to see the good in my life and to not beat myself up over whatever I am beating myself up over. I am grateful for a lot but I have one small 😦 moment. I should have called my mom, I think she’s mad at me. That’s the only reason she wouldn’t call me and I’m not exactly sure why she’s mad at me. Probably our constant battle of me being an adult and her wanting to hold on because I’m growing up too quickly for her liking (which is fair). So Mom, I’ll call you tomorrow morning! Love you.

Today was a pretty good day, so the fact that I am feeling so blah is not cool. I think it’s because I came home and felt extremely unproductive. Though I have to say that I did talk to one of my best friends from High School (we talk on a regular basis) and was extremely happy – she was in Europe and I missed her! Tracy I love you! I also made my lunch for tomorrow AND prep-ed my breakfast for tomorrow. So I am happy about that. I need to not beat myself up, I am catching myself edging close to the downward spiral of self-loathing and waves of negativity.

I have to share a quote that the previous tenant left of me (not on purpose, but I’d like to think of it as a pay it forward moment):

Remember what is most important…It is not having everything go right, it is facing whatever goes wrong. It is not being without fear, it is having the determination to go on in spite of it. Remember that every day ends and brings a new tomorrow full of exciting new things. Love what you do, do the best you can, and always remember how much you are loved. – Vickie M. Worsham

More importantly, I must know that I am loved, loved by me. Loved in that way that allows me to grow and open up to others. I must learn that I cannot change situations only how I react to them,  I am me and I am capable of anything, if I believe and achieve.

Okay, that last part was definitely cheesy and super cliched 🙂 On to my good moments!

1. Fighting temptation – I most definitely lasted in a restaurant and DID not purchase and any food. I had packed a lunch and I was not going to spend money on buying lunch! Was very proud of my strength and commitment to saving money. (Probably should not have splurged and bought a coat, tank, and jeans at H&M last week but they were TOO cute)

2. Having a good conversation with my PCs about life and things happening. Talking about high school and life and just knowing that sometimes it sucks. I really enjoy our heart to hearts that we have, they are such strong, smart women

3. Great conversations with friends – I went to Happy Hour for a coworker’s going away and it was nice to just chat and hang out! I also got a phone call from the Bestie right after and go to catch up  with her. I wish she wasn’t living so far from me that I would require purchasing a plane ticket to see her. SIGH, love you Tracy.

Okay folks, I really need to try and sleep. I am going to close my laptop and not use it to fall asleep to. I really want to wake up and go for a run.

Quick shout out to my soundtrack, thanks Coldplay for providing me with the music to motivate me to write !

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2 responses to “Lack of sleep

  1. love you pari. you are beautiful and you are loved. i read your blog entries to keep up with you so don’t think you are hiding any of these small moments of weakness from me! you are strong and you should know that your intelligent, honesty with yourself and the world, and your heart will guide you through all the downs and ups. ❤ you.

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