I don’t like having a mirror in my room, I feel like I am constantly watching myself. I wish…no, I don’t want to think like that. I know that I have not honestly been taking care of myself, physically, mentally, emotionally. My last few posts have been about me making promises, making good habits, and I feel like I want to and I am thinking it, but I am waiting. What exactly am I waiting for? An auspicious moment? This isn’t some kind of religious ceremony that must fall on a specific date and time, if I want to make a change, I need to do that now.
I know this is bad and I know I am not, but I am feeling fat. Let me rephrase, when I say I am feeling fat, I don’t think I am fat, I mean…I feel the sluggish-ness in my body, I feel unhealthy, I feel blah. I can’t say that I am honestly happy with my body, but I also cannot say I am unhappy with my body. I love my hips, I love my curves, I love my body, but I know that I haven’t been taking care of it, which means I cannot reach my full potential in things that I like doing. I can’t help but stare at the cottage cheese thighs, or the flabby arms, but then I know it’s a downward spiral and a black hole of never returning to light if I keep thinking like that. So I appreciate what I do have. Two functioning legs, two function arms, a body that is capable of moving, a mind that works, a body that functions.
I don’t like the mirror, but I shouldn’t hate the mirror, it is a reflection of who I am. I shouldn’t focus on the flaws, I should see where I can improve but also see where I have succeeded. It’s funny, how everything connects. Who I am as a person runs in every part of my being. I have a horrible tendency of only seeing the imperfections, but in the imperfections lies the beauty. So I won’t hate the mirror, I will stand in front of it and look at the beauties of what I see. It’s something that I will have to actively do and eventually make it the norm.
So mirror, mirror on the wall…I see me and I am proud.
Today’s good moments:
1. Buying groceries – honestly I probably spent more than I should have, but I was excited to get good food to take care of me.
2. Working out – I did some weights today and I, also, did some crunches. I have been meaning to workout but I finally did it. I pumped up my visio ball (which took forever) and started my workout
3. Gosh, this third moment is so hard to think of, it’s not like I had a bad day, but nothing stands out. Hmm, I think I will say making myself a good, healthy meal and cleaning up after myself. I know that this may sound lame, but it was actually really nice. I ate tacos and made sure to clean up the kitchen right after. Trying to form good habits!
Okay, I am off to bed now. Gnite!